“Saying “I’ll try” instead of “yes” invites the possibility for it to not work” – Unknown

FYI – I actually wrote this article around NYE 2018 when goal setting was particularly prominent. My brain was somehow still fried as a result of the evenings shenanigans so naturally I wanted to do some deep work because you know, that type of haze sometimes feels like a naturally induced psychedelic and requires a creative outlet. Also, “deep” doesn’t necessarily mean lengthy, I focused more on fun informational sprints.

Let me ask you all something. Are you currently doing everything you can to stay in the best “life shape”? Have you been working out your mind, body and soul to achieve absolute excellence? If your health went on the back-burner as of late then one thing needs to happen prior to ANYTHING ELSE. You have to forgive yourself. I know this sounds super cheesy, like, vomit on your shoes kind of stuff, but it’s absolutely vital to have compassion for your earlier self in order to avoid creating a change that’s made from resentful, self-loathing emotion. If you are feeling damaged, or flawed in any way, this can seriously impact your long-term, positive self-regard, and it won’t help you. I want to point out that you’re not alone, everyone has their demons. But here’s the thing; you CAN let go of them and repair what you think you should lock away.

So how can we derail emotional stagnation and improve our self-worth? First, we should think of the things working against us and try to let them go. Who we are in the present moment is mostly a construction of our past, which is just made up of memories. Every time someone is reflecting on hardship, it’s technically reliving those memories over and over again so it remains present, and often painful. And pain is never out of season if you go shopping for it right? So let’s ask ourselves; “What would this look like if it were easy?” – Tim Feriss – Tribe of Mentors. Seriously awesome dude. If you’ve ever experienced self-doubt, then you’ll be familiar with the concept of searching for a path forward that has the most resistance, which can create unnecessary hardship. But what would it all really look like if it were easy? Perhaps, the thought of obtaining exactly what you want doesn’t need to be anxiety-provoking. Sitting in discontent does not need to be in your future just because it’s ruled your past.

I honestly believe a lot of people search for a challenging, almost unobtainable solutions to long-term issues because a lot of health advice we are given is crafted from studies conducted around people who are sick and what they did in order to become healthier. But what if it was reframed, and research was conducted on those who became happy and healthy on their own? It’s not going to be super helpful to be motivated to do something in order to avoid the things you don’t want i.e avoid conflict/being poor/overweight. The issue with this motivation is it feels positive initially because it moves us in the same direction as being motivated through goal setting – results are still achieved. But once you get somewhere in the middle it’s common to relax because the “fear of having a shit relationship” or being “poor” or “overweight” is no longer a problem. So, behaviour changes, productivity slips, and motivation no longer exists – the person burns out from working so hard so fast that the end goal is never reached. When people get closer to what they want they can also get bored and self-sabotage because the issue itself does not exist anymore. Ever heard of people who suddenly “change their life” once they fall ill? They reach rock bottom and are motivated by avoiding illness and wanting to get better again. Once they’re not sick anymore they will likely revert back to old behaviours because there needs to be something inwards pushing you forward for the right reasons i.e instead of wanting not to be sick, just feel the desire to be healthy instead. A subtle difference that turns goal setting into an achievable long-term strategy. Bottom line is, instead of feeling motivated to avoid negative things you don’t want in your life, perhaps try setting realistic goals you want to achieve by a certain date, and once it is achieved set more, so you’re always working and you’re always excited by the process and what is accomplished along the way. Emotional stagnation is what happens during complacency. It’s far better to aim at the moon and land in a pile of shit than it is to aim for a pile of shit and hit it.

So I recently listened to a podcast where Terry Crews was providing seriously thought-provoking, original and insightful life lessons. He shared a quote from one of his favourite books The Master Key System, and it goes like this: “In order to have, you have to do. In order to do, you have to be”. When I understood this quote it transformed from being another cliché self-help regurgitation to a strangely powerful “ah-ha!” moment. Think about it for a second. If you ask yourself, “What would a patient person do?” Probably take a breath and look for positives in the situation. If you do that, then you become patient in that moment. If you ask yourself “What would a fit person do?” Likely go to the gym and make healthy food choices. “What would an author do?” They would sit down and write. The second you decide that you ARE that person, you will be that person. Terry also pointed out that there is strength in vulnerability because it is attached to courage. The willingness to put yourself out there and expose a side of you that will be judged takes a huge amount of courage. We all have enough courage to ask ourselves what we fear and to in turn attack those fears. Pushing them aside to make room for something better. If you care about something, you will always be nervous about trying and that will never go away. So you may as well embrace it and reap the benefits!

We are what we repeatedly do; excellence is not an act it’s a habit. Sometimes other people’s “luck” is their hard work paying off. Maybe it’s time to take a no bullshit approach in the new year. Get shit done even if it’s hard or mundane. Expand your sphere of comfort by being uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable usually comes from a lack of familiarity and gaining more and more exposure is what makes it comfortable. The learnings in these moments are so incredibly valuable and only obtainable outside of the bubble that we all know so well. SO many of the best stories come from struggle or hardship. I know it seems crazy to volunteer to welcome more of it, but wisdom comes from having a question for everything and seeking more knowledge. Naivety comes from having an answer to all.

Bring on the new year! I hope each and everyday you seize the opportunity to grab health and happiness with all your strength.