Tag: mind

My vision today is…?

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“Saying “I’ll try” instead of “yes” invites the possibility for it to not work” – Unknown

FYI – I actually wrote this article around NYE 2018 when goal setting was particularly prominent. My brain was somehow still fried as a result of the evenings shenanigans so naturally I wanted to do some deep work because you know, that type of haze sometimes feels like a naturally induced psychedelic and requires a creative outlet. Also, “deep” doesn’t necessarily mean lengthy, I focused more on fun informational sprints.

Let me ask you all something. Are you currently doing everything you can to stay in the best “life shape”? Have you been working out your mind, body and soul to achieve absolute excellence? If your health went on the back-burner as of late then one thing needs to happen prior to ANYTHING ELSE. You have to forgive yourself. I know this sounds super cheesy, like, vomit on your shoes kind of stuff, but it’s absolutely vital to have compassion for your earlier self in order to avoid creating a change that’s made from resentful, self-loathing emotion. If you are feeling damaged, or flawed in any way, this can seriously impact your long-term, positive self-regard, and it won’t help you. I want to point out that you’re not alone, everyone has their demons. But here’s the thing; you CAN let go of them and repair what you think you should lock away.

So how can we derail emotional stagnation and improve our self-worth? First, we should think of the things working against us and try to let them go. Who we are in the present moment is mostly a construction of our past, which is just made up of memories. Every time someone is reflecting on hardship, it’s technically reliving those memories over and over again so it remains present, and often painful. And pain is never out of season if you go shopping for it right? So let’s ask ourselves; “What would this look like if it were easy?” – Tim Feriss – Tribe of Mentors. Seriously awesome dude. If you’ve ever experienced self-doubt, then you’ll be familiar with the concept of searching for a path forward that has the most resistance, which can create unnecessary hardship. But what would it all really look like if it were easy? Perhaps, the thought of obtaining exactly what you want doesn’t need to be anxiety-provoking. Sitting in discontent does not need to be in your future just because it’s ruled your past.

I honestly believe a lot of people search for a challenging, almost unobtainable solutions to long-term issues because a lot of health advice we are given is crafted from studies conducted around people who are sick and what they did in order to become healthier. But what if it was reframed, and research was conducted on those who became happy and healthy on their own? It’s not going to be super helpful to be motivated to do something in order to avoid the things you don’t want i.e avoid conflict/being poor/overweight. The issue with this motivation is it feels positive initially because it moves us in the same direction as being motivated through goal setting – results are still achieved. But once you get somewhere in the middle it’s common to relax because the “fear of having a shit relationship” or being “poor” or “overweight” is no longer a problem. So, behaviour changes, productivity slips, and motivation no longer exists – the person burns out from working so hard so fast that the end goal is never reached. When people get closer to what they want they can also get bored and self-sabotage because the issue itself does not exist anymore. Ever heard of people who suddenly “change their life” once they fall ill? They reach rock bottom and are motivated by avoiding illness and wanting to get better again. Once they’re not sick anymore they will likely revert back to old behaviours because there needs to be something inwards pushing you forward for the right reasons i.e instead of wanting not to be sick, just feel the desire to be healthy instead. A subtle difference that turns goal setting into an achievable long-term strategy. Bottom line is, instead of feeling motivated to avoid negative things you don’t want in your life, perhaps try setting realistic goals you want to achieve by a certain date, and once it is achieved set more, so you’re always working and you’re always excited by the process and what is accomplished along the way. Emotional stagnation is what happens during complacency. It’s far better to aim at the moon and land in a pile of shit than it is to aim for a pile of shit and hit it.

So I recently listened to a podcast where Terry Crews was providing seriously thought-provoking, original and insightful life lessons. He shared a quote from one of his favourite books The Master Key System, and it goes like this: “In order to have, you have to do. In order to do, you have to be”. When I understood this quote it transformed from being another cliché self-help regurgitation to a strangely powerful “ah-ha!” moment. Think about it for a second. If you ask yourself, “What would a patient person do?” Probably take a breath and look for positives in the situation. If you do that, then you become patient in that moment. If you ask yourself “What would a fit person do?” Likely go to the gym and make healthy food choices. “What would an author do?” They would sit down and write. The second you decide that you ARE that person, you will be that person. Terry also pointed out that there is strength in vulnerability because it is attached to courage. The willingness to put yourself out there and expose a side of you that will be judged takes a huge amount of courage. We all have enough courage to ask ourselves what we fear and to in turn attack those fears. Pushing them aside to make room for something better. If you care about something, you will always be nervous about trying and that will never go away. So you may as well embrace it and reap the benefits!

We are what we repeatedly do; excellence is not an act it’s a habit. Sometimes other people’s “luck” is their hard work paying off. Maybe it’s time to take a no bullshit approach in the new year. Get shit done even if it’s hard or mundane. Expand your sphere of comfort by being uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable usually comes from a lack of familiarity and gaining more and more exposure is what makes it comfortable. The learnings in these moments are so incredibly valuable and only obtainable outside of the bubble that we all know so well. SO many of the best stories come from struggle or hardship. I know it seems crazy to volunteer to welcome more of it, but wisdom comes from having a question for everything and seeking more knowledge. Naivety comes from having an answer to all.

Bring on the new year! I hope each and everyday you seize the opportunity to grab health and happiness with all your strength.

Understand your mind

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“The two most important days in your life, is the day you were born, and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain

Creating a friendly balance between the mind and body involves careful self-reflection. If we dig deep and share our experiences openly, we can be freed from the “glass cage of emotion” we impose on ourselves. Once we learn to let go a little, it can shine a light on what’s within our best interest and how to move forward positively.

One strategy used to achieve this high level of consciousness is through mindfulness. I’m not speaking about mindfulness in the traditional sense, but instead how to achieve total conscious awareness in the present moment via storytelling. Storytelling enables us to fully express ourselves through an emotional outlet that can be a catalyst for an incredible cathartic energy. So, to kick things off, let me tell you a story that is deeply personal, very honest and somewhat embarrassing…

Growing up in Australia taught me so many wonderful things that shaped the person I am today. I had the opportunity to think critically with some great minds but I never felt like I could explore the inner workings of my conscious awareness creatively. At a young age we only have so much space in our head for priorities and I can tell you right now mine were not in the correct order. I realise now that we can all use our mind to change the structure of our brain and how we choose to think. Through self-reflection our brain will be stronger and more integrated. It creates more and more links to positive memories, which help to shape all the decisions we make from today onwards. I absolutely love the way Forbes describes it here.

Because of this it was of the upmost importance to figure out what really made me tick. I knew that every cell in my body wanted to be a part of something that was fulfilling a greater purpose and helping to contribute to society in a positive manner. In order to truly allow myself the mental space and freedom to figure out what my next move was, I needed to completely throw myself into the unknown, free from expectation and influence. This led me to a very confronting but spectacular realisation, I needed to move overseas and given the commonwealth visa rules and its proximity to the beauty of Europe, London was my landing spot.

Moving to London was the best decision I ever made and in retrospect was the beginning of a new life. While there are many stories to be told about my early days in London, for the sake of time we are skipping ahead a year, when I was confronted with an entirely new challenge – my partner (who I met and started dating during that previously unmentioned year) was offered a life changing job opportunity. Only the job itself was based in San Francisco. After much deliberation it was decided there was no way he could pass it up. So in order for us to spend more time together, I decided to fly over with him with little to no idea as to what the plan was thereafter.

While I had a flight booked to go back to Australia a few short weeks out to spend time with my family, I was also uncertain of whether heading back to London would be a good idea or not as I still had a life going over there – my job was left open ended, I still had a phone plan, gym membership, friends, etc. Even with all of this was going on, the lingering thought I had daily was “How can I make the relationship with my partner work and still live the life we both desire?” I knew I wanted to be with him, but I also didn’t want either of us to put our life on hold. A few weeks into us being in SF, I was asked to do join him on a 15km hike to the Marin Headlands, during which, he proposed! It was at this point that I was hit with an unbelievable wave of excitement and a whole new set of questions to be answered.

As strange as it sounds, we both used to be somewhat commitment phobic. Our significant other may have actually been our personal assistant. If you are truly passionate about your job and work is like 80-90% of your life, your PA shares everything with you and you have all the same memories, so it’s basically the same thing, right? Naturally we were both quite hesitant to admit to ourselves that the idea of living a life without each other was impossible to imagine, even though that’s exactly how we felt. It’s bitter sweet really, because you feel an enormous sense of vulnerability and comfort all at once. So, what does this mean now? We have obviously spent a significant amount of time since trying to find a way to stay together! I gained a ring and lost my power, it was the opposite of Lord of the Rings. I am not allowed to live or work in the USA until an adjustment of status is processed. On the flip side, it’s given me a lot of time to be very contemplative and I have realised a few things along the way I would love to share.

First, I just want to point out that just because I don’t emphasise the heartache, doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. Discontent can be a catalyst for disconnection. If you’re aware that something is temporary and you’re waiting for something great to happen, it’s hard to give your all to the present moment. You feel like you’re always looking for something and never really “in” your life. Plus, deciding suddenly that you are going to set up a new life for yourself in another country (again) doesn’t necessarily sit well with those closest to you. Most will be happy for you and supportive, but they are going to have their moments of wanting you to come home. This was my greatest challenge. I had to prove to myself and others that I made the right choice by taking a risk and embracing the unknown full throttle, while showing that it provided the fulfilment I had long been seeking and I would miss everyone greatly and I wasn’t just off to live a new life without them. Sometimes you may not know the outcome. Yet you just have to try anyway. I had to accept that initially my hubris made the situation all about me, when I should have also practiced extreme empathy for others because they were going through all their own stuff too.

This led to another major challenge, trying to find a way to be more conscious and build resilience while mired in ambiguity. Sometimes to do what you want to do, you have to do what you don’t want to do. In other words, discipline is key. I think when we are kids, we are bossed around all the time being told what to do. Then we all go through a period when our ego develops and we recognise that our parents and teachers aren’t always right and they make mistakes too. This transitions into that fun period when we think we know it all. As we all know mistakes are made, and a lot of (hopefully) lessons are cultivated. Past this point, we need to find a balance between the two: doing what we want and also what we don’t want, enabling us to where we need to be. Perhaps the sooner we recognise that perhaps we are all inherently emotional learners, is the quicker path to achieving access to our inner workings. We don’t necessarily need a solution to all our problems, we just need to learn to ask a question or two, to get ourselves and others thinking.

Even though the situation over the past few months has been a cluster fuck of emotions full of the most amazing, scary, life changing memories, I’m honestly 100% a better person for it.

When you travel all the differences you experience from being out of your comfort zone are extremely confronting, yet the more places you experience and exposure you gain, you realise there are actually more similarities than differences. The quintessential way of life in San Francisco is forward thinking and entrepreneurial, which provides the space required for innovation and change to breathe. This was exactly what I needed at this point in my life for the reasons I described above (I may also feel the same way about other parts of the world, now that I’ve opened my mind to new experiences and are looking through a new lens). The moment I realised the world and I don’t owe each other anything, was the moment I saw that I need to be the one to create the change I want to see in myself and also in my relationships with others. You can sit on your ass and wonder what the point of it all is OR you can choose to give back to the world and try for something, admit that you’re vulnerable, that you care and that you’re passionate, and just to TRY despite being aware of all the risk involved.

Change shouldn’t solely be viewed through an optimistic lens. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s bad. Usually it’s both. But we have to make time for all the things we love and practice being better at them, whether it’s being the healthiest and happiest version of yourself, the most loving partner, friend, daughter you can be or giving 100% of your work ethic to the table every day.

My story doesn’t have an end as of now so to speak. August 13th I landed in San Francisco thinking I would be leaving 1.5 months later for either Melbourne or London. Now? We are trying to figure out how to setup our new life together here. All I know at this point is that I’m embracing the thought process, the learnings and self-reflection to grow and continue on the path towards finding be the happiest and healthiest version of myself. It feels super empowering to write this stuff down and share it with whoever wants to read, now all I can do is encourage you to do that same and experience the catharsis that vulnerability can bring.