Tag: balance

Understand your mind

Leave a comment

“The two most important days in your life, is the day you were born, and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain

Creating a friendly balance between the mind and body involves careful self-reflection. If we dig deep and share our experiences openly, we can be freed from the “glass cage of emotion” we impose on ourselves. Once we learn to let go a little, it can shine a light on what’s within our best interest and how to move forward positively.

One strategy used to achieve this high level of consciousness is through mindfulness. I’m not speaking about mindfulness in the traditional sense, but instead how to achieve total conscious awareness in the present moment via storytelling. Storytelling enables us to fully express ourselves through an emotional outlet that can be a catalyst for an incredible cathartic energy. So, to kick things off, let me tell you a story that is deeply personal, very honest and somewhat embarrassing…

Growing up in Australia taught me so many wonderful things that shaped the person I am today. I had the opportunity to think critically with some great minds but I never felt like I could explore the inner workings of my conscious awareness creatively. At a young age we only have so much space in our head for priorities and I can tell you right now mine were not in the correct order. I realise now that we can all use our mind to change the structure of our brain and how we choose to think. Through self-reflection our brain will be stronger and more integrated. It creates more and more links to positive memories, which help to shape all the decisions we make from today onwards. I absolutely love the way Forbes describes it here.

Because of this it was of the upmost importance to figure out what really made me tick. I knew that every cell in my body wanted to be a part of something that was fulfilling a greater purpose and helping to contribute to society in a positive manner. In order to truly allow myself the mental space and freedom to figure out what my next move was, I needed to completely throw myself into the unknown, free from expectation and influence. This led me to a very confronting but spectacular realisation, I needed to move overseas and given the commonwealth visa rules and its proximity to the beauty of Europe, London was my landing spot.

Moving to London was the best decision I ever made and in retrospect was the beginning of a new life. While there are many stories to be told about my early days in London, for the sake of time we are skipping ahead a year, when I was confronted with an entirely new challenge – my partner (who I met and started dating during that previously unmentioned year) was offered a life changing job opportunity. Only the job itself was based in San Francisco. After much deliberation it was decided there was no way he could pass it up. So in order for us to spend more time together, I decided to fly over with him with little to no idea as to what the plan was thereafter.

While I had a flight booked to go back to Australia a few short weeks out to spend time with my family, I was also uncertain of whether heading back to London would be a good idea or not as I still had a life going over there – my job was left open ended, I still had a phone plan, gym membership, friends, etc. Even with all of this was going on, the lingering thought I had daily was “How can I make the relationship with my partner work and still live the life we both desire?” I knew I wanted to be with him, but I also didn’t want either of us to put our life on hold. A few weeks into us being in SF, I was asked to do join him on a 15km hike to the Marin Headlands, during which, he proposed! It was at this point that I was hit with an unbelievable wave of excitement and a whole new set of questions to be answered.

As strange as it sounds, we both used to be somewhat commitment phobic. Our significant other may have actually been our personal assistant. If you are truly passionate about your job and work is like 80-90% of your life, your PA shares everything with you and you have all the same memories, so it’s basically the same thing, right? Naturally we were both quite hesitant to admit to ourselves that the idea of living a life without each other was impossible to imagine, even though that’s exactly how we felt. It’s bitter sweet really, because you feel an enormous sense of vulnerability and comfort all at once. So, what does this mean now? We have obviously spent a significant amount of time since trying to find a way to stay together! I gained a ring and lost my power, it was the opposite of Lord of the Rings. I am not allowed to live or work in the USA until an adjustment of status is processed. On the flip side, it’s given me a lot of time to be very contemplative and I have realised a few things along the way I would love to share.

First, I just want to point out that just because I don’t emphasise the heartache, doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. Discontent can be a catalyst for disconnection. If you’re aware that something is temporary and you’re waiting for something great to happen, it’s hard to give your all to the present moment. You feel like you’re always looking for something and never really “in” your life. Plus, deciding suddenly that you are going to set up a new life for yourself in another country (again) doesn’t necessarily sit well with those closest to you. Most will be happy for you and supportive, but they are going to have their moments of wanting you to come home. This was my greatest challenge. I had to prove to myself and others that I made the right choice by taking a risk and embracing the unknown full throttle, while showing that it provided the fulfilment I had long been seeking and I would miss everyone greatly and I wasn’t just off to live a new life without them. Sometimes you may not know the outcome. Yet you just have to try anyway. I had to accept that initially my hubris made the situation all about me, when I should have also practiced extreme empathy for others because they were going through all their own stuff too.

This led to another major challenge, trying to find a way to be more conscious and build resilience while mired in ambiguity. Sometimes to do what you want to do, you have to do what you don’t want to do. In other words, discipline is key. I think when we are kids, we are bossed around all the time being told what to do. Then we all go through a period when our ego develops and we recognise that our parents and teachers aren’t always right and they make mistakes too. This transitions into that fun period when we think we know it all. As we all know mistakes are made, and a lot of (hopefully) lessons are cultivated. Past this point, we need to find a balance between the two: doing what we want and also what we don’t want, enabling us to where we need to be. Perhaps the sooner we recognise that perhaps we are all inherently emotional learners, is the quicker path to achieving access to our inner workings. We don’t necessarily need a solution to all our problems, we just need to learn to ask a question or two, to get ourselves and others thinking.

Even though the situation over the past few months has been a cluster fuck of emotions full of the most amazing, scary, life changing memories, I’m honestly 100% a better person for it.

When you travel all the differences you experience from being out of your comfort zone are extremely confronting, yet the more places you experience and exposure you gain, you realise there are actually more similarities than differences. The quintessential way of life in San Francisco is forward thinking and entrepreneurial, which provides the space required for innovation and change to breathe. This was exactly what I needed at this point in my life for the reasons I described above (I may also feel the same way about other parts of the world, now that I’ve opened my mind to new experiences and are looking through a new lens). The moment I realised the world and I don’t owe each other anything, was the moment I saw that I need to be the one to create the change I want to see in myself and also in my relationships with others. You can sit on your ass and wonder what the point of it all is OR you can choose to give back to the world and try for something, admit that you’re vulnerable, that you care and that you’re passionate, and just to TRY despite being aware of all the risk involved.

Change shouldn’t solely be viewed through an optimistic lens. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s bad. Usually it’s both. But we have to make time for all the things we love and practice being better at them, whether it’s being the healthiest and happiest version of yourself, the most loving partner, friend, daughter you can be or giving 100% of your work ethic to the table every day.

My story doesn’t have an end as of now so to speak. August 13th I landed in San Francisco thinking I would be leaving 1.5 months later for either Melbourne or London. Now? We are trying to figure out how to setup our new life together here. All I know at this point is that I’m embracing the thought process, the learnings and self-reflection to grow and continue on the path towards finding be the happiest and healthiest version of myself. It feels super empowering to write this stuff down and share it with whoever wants to read, now all I can do is encourage you to do that same and experience the catharsis that vulnerability can bring.

Aim to have more, more and more!

Leave a comment

“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” – Spencer Johnson

I really want to get you guys thinking about all the things you can have in order to become the healthiest version of yourself. We all have tendencies to run ourselves into shitville and then want a quick fix to get us looking and feeling at an optimal level ASAP. I’m a strong believer in balance and long-term change that is both enjoyable and sustainable. So let’s talk about how to treat yourself in the best possible fashion so you can feel positivity and progress on a daily basis.

Firstly, it’s really important that you all know that you’re not doing yourself any favours by focusing on what you can’t have/don’t have. For example, I recommend against food planning around restrictions and instead think about the huge variety of food you can indulge in and enjoy in a guilt-free manner. Ask yourself if your meal contains all essential vitamins and minerals so you can sleep better, stabilise your mood, increase energy levels, prepare you for a killer gym workout etc etc. If it doesn’t, you need to eat more of the right nutrient dense foods. Aim to have more; more muscle, more green juices, more sleep, more water, more protein, more healthy fats, whatever it is that get’s you excited! Focus on what you can have more of and stop punishing yourself and setting a bunch of rules around all the things you can’t do.

I want to point out that there is a big difference between appetite and hunger. Appetite is the desire to eat or drink and generally not influenced by a physical response to needing food in that moment. It can be triggered by your senses; the sight or smell of something delicious for example. It can also be triggered by the availability of food or even the temperature around you. Appetite is a thing that happens purely because it’s putting in place the pleasure and anticipation for your next meal. Whereas, experiencing actual hunger is your body telling you it’s time to eat.

I used to eat like a retard. I believed eating 5-6 meals a day and working out 7 days a week, sometimes twice a day, was the best method to rev up my metabolism and get super lean. Truth is, I was hungry all the fucking time because I was exercising so much and my body got used to eating from the moment I woke up to the moment I slept. I hand to heart believed I had to eat within 30 minutes of waking up or my body would begin to eat itself. I always had snacks on me and having two breakfasts was not uncommon. This is a ridiculous way to live people!!

It’s not a bad thing to let yourself feel hungry for a little while, you are not going to die. I used to have this massive fear that getting hungry would produce hangry-ness to the point where isolation might be necessary. Perhaps for some people they’re afraid that hunger might trigger an uncontrollable eating rampage, which sounds glorious until it happens, the fog clears and our rational brain hates us. Others may imagine they are loosing hard earned muscle mass and envision it disintegrating by the minute. I can tell you right now, it’s not harmful for you to feel hungry momentarily as long as you are eating enough throughout the day overall. Hunger get’s you in tune with what your body actually needs as opposed to just what it wants in a fleeting moment.

Building trust and confidence in yourself to not spin out of control has a much more powerful long-term influence compared to eating all the time as a preventative measure to feeling fear, discomfort or anxiety. It can be so empowering to self-experiment like this because it can shine a light on what you are really struggling with internally and open you up to experience powerful change that is really liberating.

Lastly, if someone else lost their appetite and you’re thinking you’ve found it, something else might be going on for you. Instead of actual hunger, you might be thirsty! To figure it out in the moment, I find it helps to imagine drinking a litre of water and seeing how that sits with you. If you think you can easily do it and the thought makes you feel really good then you are probably thirsty. Think about it, if you are “full” but still feeling hunger, the idea of having so much water would be really uncomfortable. Also, it’s not a bad idea to drink water prior to a meal anyway to curb how much you eat (water can be a great hunger suppressant). Another option could be to think about it practically; Do you have a dry mouth? Do you have a headache? Do you feel fatigued? All these can be symptoms of dehydration. Don’t be afraid to up your water intake.

Pause.

Isn’t it funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible sometimes but 2 cocktails, 5 gnt’s and 3 shots in the space of a few hours is a no brainer ?

Moving on.

I love to have a glass or two of water before I eat so I don’t stuff my face unnecessarily. I also love to follow my meals up with a hot peppermint tea and/or to aid digestion and improve blood circulation. Knowing you have to drink all that liquid makes you think twice about eating the extras.