“In order to have, you have to do. In order to do, you have to be.” – Charles F. Haanel

Below I’ve listed how I think buying an unnecessarily expensive car when you can’t afford it, getting a bad haircut or a life changing tattoo post 45 can be avoided.

A little story for you …

The thing about going on a truth seeking adventure, is it can be pretty exciting when you start to figure some stuff out. You feel the need to talk about it with a lot of people because it’s on your mind a lot. It’s also kind of a big deal to you because you’ve spent a large chunk of your adult life pondering thoughts of action, then you actioned it, then you had multiple ups and downs and now you’re kind of in a happy place that you feel you’ve been working towards basically since you were little. Then you might call your Mum to tell her about it and you get a response that sounds something like “That’s great honey, I’m so proud of you” and then go back to talking about how they’ve started doing yoga classes with a friend of a friend’s neighbour. It can make it all feel a little inconsequential. But that’s the thing, perhaps it needs to be. Let me explain.

It’s all so bloody hard at the beginning. Everyone is scared of change, so other people in your life (your “support network”) may not immediately jump to supporting huge life changing decisions for you straight away. They want to protect you and anything relatively unsafe or off-track has the ability to make your life worse. They are hesitant to support you because then you will be taken out of the “I don’t have to worry about you” box and put into the “Worrying about you will occupy every second or third thought of mine for an indefinite period of time now” box. But ultimately your decisions don’t really affect anyone else, you both think it will at the beginning but it doesn’t. Life will go on for everyone, so it has to come down to what you want because you’re the one left with it. Everyone has all their own stuff going on and at the end of it all they’re not thinking about you 24/7. It’s important to remain accountable and make a decision based on what you want in your life and what you need to do to get there, anyone who doesn’t understand this path should not be walking it with you.

Really, it shouldn’t come down to needing an Eat Pray Love moment in order to find happiness. You’re whole life can be an Eat Pray Love moment if you allow yourself to wake up and see what is really staring back at you in the mirror. Learn to listen to what is in your heart and action only what feels right and what your gut is telling you. Then maybe you won’t have to walk away from it all and hurt a bunch of people in the process in order to find clarity.

I never do anything my heart isn’t in anymore and I make an effort to do small things on a daily basis that make me feel fulfilled in as many ways as possible. It started with learning to be more mindful and honest about what I really needed. None of this stuff is something you learn and automatically apply for the rest of your life – it takes a deliberate, conscious, frequent effort. It may start with you writing down a couple of things you can easily accomplish that day, opening the door for someone you pass down the street, telling a colleague they did a good job or offering to cook dinner for your partner. Lastly, you could end the day with being grateful for what you have, being proud of what you’ve accomplished and setting new goals for the following day. If you do this, it almost feels like the rest of your life is a bonus. Don’t get me wrong, we spend a great deal of work shaping our career, giving time to family and friends, working on our health and fitness etc, but all of those things will be a lot more enjoyable with a strong, positive, healthy mentality, and it all takes around 5 minutes a day. If you can’t give yourself 5 minutes a day to be mindful and work on yourself, then you never really wanted the rewards in the first place.

One thing I’ve realised is many books/blogs/articles/TV shows etc all support the notion of finding your purpose; without direction you don’t have a path to walk on. I’ve read so many things about our life being a GPS and without plugging into the destination you’re just left staring at a map with a bunch of stuff on it wondering where to go next. I feel like the point of taking that perspective is to encourage movement rather than just standing still and expecting answers to come to you – this part I agree with. However, it can be disabling to think that we all have a life mission we need to fulfil, that we all have a “purpose” or “destiny’. This is a massive, highly pressurising situation and can at times feel quite intimidating. It puts more people into shock than it encourages positive, constructive, forward-thinking change.

Perhaps it’s better to recognise that you’re biggest impact on the world is giving 100% into everything you do even if it’s not the “ultimate” thing you thought you’d be doing. Choose to go out and do the things you know you’re good at, and if you’re not quite there yet then practice so you are if it means something to you. There are dreams, and there are goals. Dreams are fantasies that are fun to think of doing, generally as the ultimate “plan b”. You might think to yourself, “I don’t hate the idea of my current position falling on it’s ass because I’ll just get a bunch of new qualifications and open my own salon because that’s my real calling in life, I’m just choosing not to that now because the time isn’t right”. This is a fantasy most of the time that we don’t tend to pursue because it’s our safety net, a happy day-dream. GOALS however, are deliberate well-thought out plans that we work towards, personally and professionally. The fundamental difference is one implies an action. Everyone’s goal really, should be to find that thing they can’t imagine NOT doing. Remove the word “should” from your vocabulary and fill your life with a bunch of things you can’t imagine your life without. Things that you’ll look back on later in life and feel so proud of and willing to talk about. To me, there would be no greater fulfilment. Great fulfillment = no mid-life crisis!!